Flashback - 4mths old

This is MLS at 4 mths old.. after an injection and feverish. I can recount when she was born and I was quite shocked to see her. She was so tiny, had little hair, wrinkled up and single eyelids; nothing like a lovely girl.

So later that night, as I cuddled her, I told her that "u so poor thing but never mind, Mummy's contented to have you alone and you can have all my love to make up for the bad genes." It seems that she has some recollection of this and sometimes she'll say " I so poor thing leh". And even when the PD Dr Terence Tan said she had good features, I was quite sure he was lying.

4mths after she was born, I went back to NTU to continue my half-finished masters and the mths that followed were horrible with trying to balance the new baby, my work and the masters which I had set high expectations for myself.

Some time in the 2nd semester of my return to masters, MLS had a fall on our bed when I was alone with her. I was doing my project for the Masters and not paying attention to her while she was running around the bed. Then I heard her cried loudly. At first I thought it was just a normal fall; as I held her up, I realized there was a lot of blood.

I remembered carrying her screaming all the way down. My hubby stopped me halfway to check if she had lost her front teeth but it was worse. Her forehead was bleeding.

We drove to Mt Alvernia and waiting for the PD to come. My white T-shirt was drenched in her blood. MLS was subsequently stitched up by a PD. I watched every moment of her hysteria wailing during the stitching and cried along. To date, I don't think I've forgiven myself for that. After that incident, I hated my masters even though I completed it in the end. I quitted my job too a few months after that incident.

Her scar has whitened after all these months; when there's no trace of it I'll then be able to put this behind altogether.